My hope this year is to keep Christmas simple. To focus on the true meaning, Christ's birth and the reason He came. To focus on spending time with my family and being able to love them and the special moments we share.
I'm finding that this may be a challenge. It may be harder than it sounds. It's so easy to say yes to all of the social things happening around the month of December. Some are great, most are great, but when it becomes too much for the family to realistically handle, it doesn't seem so great anymore. When the stress and pressure of going out and bring fancy dishes, or getting little gifts for everyone all adds up it can make a - stressful mess of a mom out of me. (more shopping, more baking, more decorating, more, more, more) Not to mention the financial implications of it all. Personally when I'm stressed and worried about making everything perfect, it actually ends up having the opposite effect on my family then I intend. I become the mom who yells about silly things, who's rushing her kids, or is being unreasonably bossy...you know to make sure things are perfect and we are meeting out timelines and everyone has a joyous holiday. It seems silly when it's written out, but I'm betting there's a lot of other mom's out there who know exactly what I mean. I don't like that mom and I don't want to be that mom.
The only way I have really figured out how to not be that mom is:
Do less.
Simplify our schedule.
Re-examine our expectations.
Focus on being grateful.
Thinking about the meaning behind what we are doing.
I've found that most of the crazy expectations, haven't been set by my kids. I'm the one who set them. I'm the one who thinks we need traditional Christmas baking. I'm the one who cares how the house is decorated. I'm the one wanting to appear as if my family has it all together. I'm the one who is worried about what people will think of us and our gifts. Now, I'm not saying that these things are bad....they aren't necessarily. It's when they become the main focus and it stops being enjoyable for us and everyone around us then there's a problem.
If a friend came to me with these feelings I would easily tell them:
If you don't have time to bake this Christmas, that's fine, give yourself permission to buy something or go without. It's a lot of sugar anyways. Or, just bake one thing, instead of feeling like you need a huge variety of Christmas baking. It's not that important.
If the Christmas tree doesn't look perfect, but the kids had a great time decorating it, isn't it essentially perfect in its own way. (My OCD self, says no, I want to rearrange the ornaments) However, when I truly think about, it's not essential. Actually, you can choose to not put up a tree at all. A tree doesn't make Christmas.
If you are the only neighbour without Christmas lights up outside....it's okay to skip a year. Don't worry about it.
If you show up to a Christmas service 5 minutes late and your family isn't dressed in cute little Christmas outfits, it's okay. I'm just happy you came. It won't make me think any more or less of you. Honestly, I likely won't notice or give it much thought.
If you tell me you decided that you aren't going to be buying presents this year. That's perfectly fine. Good for you! I'd much rather your hard earned money be spent where you actually need to spend your money, mortgage payments, groceries, or whatever. Please never go into debt over Christmas presents. Just keep it simple. Most of us already have way more than we need.
If I would tell my friends all of these things, why do I get so stressed about them myself? Maybe we need to step back, think this through, and realize that a simpler Christmas, may not only be better for us, but better for our entire family. Kids will remember how they feel on Christmas, let's make them feel loved. Feeling loved doesn't need to come from fancy gifts, or decorations, or lots of cookies. They feel loved when you spend your time with them, when they have your attention and focus. This actually applies to everyone, kids and adults alike. Forget the expectations you set, focus on loving others. Loving others in all those little moments you can spend and enjoy together. Be present. I promise you and everyone around you will have a much happier Christmas.
Merry Christmas friends!
Comments